What Insecure Teaches Us About Friendship - By Iman Akilah



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June 20, 2020 5 min read


Unless you’ve been living under a ROCK, Insecure Season 4 has been the TALK of the town over the past few months. One of the biggest themes of this season was Molly and Issa’s unusually rocky friendship and how they navigated all of their recent life changes as best friends -- both together, and apart. While Issa has been working hard on bringing her passion project to life, Molly is dealing with the challenges of being in her first long-term romantic relationship. Both women are growing into their own but at the same time, it feels like they’re growing apart.

Although the season finale of Insecure Season 4 was heartbreaking (spoiler alert), this season taught us so much about friendship and the fact that it NEVER stops being hard work; especially as we hit major milestones in our 30’s. As we remain indoors and rely on our girls more than ever to keep us sane, here are a few things we learned about friendship from Insecure Season 4 plus a few more show recommendations to watch with your crew during ladies’ night in. 

#1 Be Honest About How You’re Feeling 

Since season 1 of Insecure, one of the most refreshing things about Molly and Issa’s friendship is how unfiltered and honest they are with each other, even about the most embarrassing things. Do you remember in season 1 when Issa dragged Molly along to meet up with her high school sweetheart Daniel? Or when Molly got it in with her MARRIED childhood friend Dro in the bathroom of a restaurant and instead of judging her, Issa was there to help her fix her dress? Thankfully Issa and Molly have grown out of these messy shenanigans but it seems like, with that, they’ve lost the honesty that was the core of what made their friendship rock solid. 

Throughout this season, Issa and Molly seemed to be lost in translation. Although they had SO MANY opportunities to have an honest conversation to get on the same page, they chose to ignore the quickly-growing distance between them. 

When things feel off between you and your girlfriends, say something RIGHT AWAY. Don’t allow a single moment to linger without making time to figure out what the problem is so you can communicate and deal with it. Once a friendship goes sour, it’s hard to get it back on track; so instead of allowing things to pile up, trust that your girls can respect your honesty and vulnerability, even when it feels hard to express your feelings.

#2 Be Supportive of Your Friends When They’re Winning AND When They’re Losing

It’s no secret that Molly has ALWAYS been the successful friend with a corporate career and plenty of coins to spend without hesitation. She’s never worried about footing the bill for Issa whenever she’s broke and always offered to open her home to Issa when she spent months sleeping on her ex-boyfriend’s couch. But this season, Issa isn’t quite as needy. In fact, she’s doing pretty okay for herself as an Apartment manager, Lyft Driver, and #sidebizpreneur. It almost feels like Issa and Molly’s friendship started deteriorating once Issa started to get her life together. Is it possible that Issa and Molly’s friend dynamic relied too heavily on Issa being the needy friend?

Whether that’s true or not, it’s obvious that Molly was too caught up in her feelings to genuinely be happy and supportive of her best friend. During Issa’s fundraising event, Molly was focused more on Condola and her own relationship problems with Andrew than she was on being there for Issa. To make matters worse, Molly initiated a public fight with Issa -- during her event that put months into planning! 

GIRLS: This is a BIG no-no. Regardless of what’s going on personally between you and your best friend, being there for them in their darkest and brightest moments should be your biggest priority. Small fights and disagreements are fleeting moments, but those life-changing failures and successes are what will always matter in the end.

#3 Embrace the inevitable evolution of your friendships 

Growth can be scary, but it’s healthy -- both for you as an individual, and for your friendships. It’s not realistic or healthy to expect your friends to be the same person now as they were five years ago. 

The root of many of Issa and Molly’s problems this season is that neither of them realized how much they were evolving as people. They expected their relationship dynamic to stay the same, even though they were both evolving so much as individuals. If you notice that your best friend is switching up, don’t assume that it’s a bad thing right away. Instead, take the time to ask her about some of the major changes she might be experiencing and get to know the new woman she’s becoming. 

#4 Be Flexible Enough to Meet Your Girls Halfway 

Let’s be real for a second: there’s always going to be a time when you or one of your girls is straight-up WRONG about something. Maybe she won’t even realize it, or maybe she won’t be willing to admit she’s wrong right away. But if her offense is forgivable, it might be best to wave the white flag now and tell her about herself later. 

Look at Issa and Molly, for example. When Molly and Issa made their first attempt to rectify their friendship, Issa ditched the commitment she made to go to Molly’s for Thanksgiving so they could talk things out. After that, Issa left their friendship in limbo, and instead of rescheduling a time for them to speak about what was happening between them, she only reached out to Molly when she needed a favor.

Sometimes in friendship, it doesn’t matter what’s wrong. What matters is that both people make an effort to work things out. It’s NEVER a good idea to leave anything unsaid. So even if you’re not the ‘wrong’ person in a situation, it’s worth it to meet your friend halfway so your disagreements don’t have the opportunity to grow into something much bigger than they should be.

Do you have any lessons about friendship you learned from Season 4 of Insecure? If so, join the sistahood on IG and share them with us! 

In the meantime, here are a few more binge-worthy shows that we highly recommend you check out during ladies night in with your girls: 

#blackAF - Netflix

All American - Netflix

She’s Gotta Have It - Netflix

Greenleaf - Netflix

Black Earth Rising - Netflix

Dear White People - Netflix

Black Lady Sketch Show - Hulu

Living Single - Hulu 

Claws - Hulu 

Grownish - Hulu 

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